Is it possible?

A tale of Flesh — Soul balance.

I am 25 year old Toyosi and I have tasted the drug that is called sex. I have enjoyed sex with someone I love plus everything that comes with this experience. I constantly have flashbacks and flash forwards of sessions with my friend-with-benefits which I enjoy and which set my body on fire.

I can’t begin to tell you the color of the thoughts that live rent free in my mind everyday.

But, here’s the thing. I have truly begun to seek a deeper personal connection with God. I’ve loved God all my life but I make sure to read the Word everyday now, unlike before, and meditate on whatever message comes. It’s really helpful because of how relatable the Bible is- literally every human experience has a record of it in the Bible.

This is my dilemma though: Is it possible?

Is it possible to constantly be instructed to live righteously and submit my mind and body to the will of God completely, considering the things I said in the first paragraph of this post? Is it possible to be this young man that I am, full of life and energy and wants and needs and still not engage these desires?

I’ll answer for myself; I’m struggling.

In the Word, I’m constantly reading on the importance of obedience, killing my flesh and making sacrifices all for the love of God. For the more I resist my flesh, the weaker its hold on me becomes. I’m reminded on a daily that I need to trust the Holy Spirit enough to surrender to him so that he can renew my mind. Yet, I can’t fight off these temptations. Yet, I struggle.

Minus the fact that everywhere I turn, I see something that can potentially get my wood hard as nails; internally, my thoughts are not helping. I want to mute words and accounts that are notorious for sending blood to my phallus but I am not strong enough. What will be the point muting them if I’ll still seek them out myself? I try not to listen to the words when I play secular music but the attempt is almost a joke. So, instead, I try not to dwell on the words.

Maybe I should try to exercise some more strength, just a little more, since this fight is clearly not carnal.

Can you tell me that it’s possible? That you have been able to figure out how to navigate this life and live righteously? That you are living proof- someone living here now who enjoys the enormous grace to constantly resist the temptations to fall into the sins of the flesh? That you’ve become enabled to always hold your tongue whenever you have a smart comeback for someone. And that at the end of those severely hectic work weeks, you went straight to bed rather than online to find and watch videos with which to best bring pleasure to yourself. Any body out there who instantly shuts conversations down when they start to get sexual, time and time again?

Kindly raven me a list of the things that helped. I am hiding out here in this little cave. It’s cold but atleast I don’t have good internet connection to FaceTime anyone with breasts.

The word of the Lord says in 1 Peter 4 that we should be ready to suffer physical pain too just as Jesus did because the business of our salvation is serious business. It says in the book of Proverbs 2 that receiving the word does not suffice. We’ve gotta incline our hearts to understanding it and living it; for we do not want to be like the seeds that fell along the road side, in the parable of the sower who heard but didn’t yield.

Yielding is the only way. Yield to the Spirit, yield to that voice that tells you that you can go one more bedtime without touching yourself or going into the streets to pounce on whatever catches your eye. Yield to discipline and self-control, for of these you have been made capable. His grace is sufficient for Toyosi and it is sufficient for you. Yield to being helped by God.

Thank you for reading❤️

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