Yes, if you go and read this, you’ll quickly catch up with the theme in this piece.
I have had a wild run these past three weeks; worrying if I was doing things right.
Guess what. I have my answer now and it is this:
I am doing well, for I am above all else, invested in personal growth- not competition, not the need for validation, not gossip- me, my growth. And this is true.
I will have questions like this from time to time. It’s called assessment, recalibration introspection or whatever term you might know it by. Identifying spots for improvement by no means means that I am failing or I haven’t been working hard, because I have. This is true.
I have to also take my own advice and understand that sometimes, I need to love people from afar. So, there’s nothing wrong with cleansing my space with the spiritual febreeze whenever I feel the need to. I am royal and I have a calling which I know of and from which I can’t continue to run. I can question it because I can and I have too, however, I am not allowed to deny its existence.
All I ask of the Lord is more and more wisdom because wisdom matters to me the most.
The truth is, no one else matters but me. My sanctification, development and evolution are most important to me. Of course this means identifying the needs of others and responding with servitude. Of course this means making sacrifices from time to time so that I can let others live the same way others have let me live. Of course I get to understand deep truths in my hunt for clarity and self. Of course this means I have become fully aware that the excuses I make today will strengthen my regrets tomorrow and this is why I rather ask questions to obtain solutions rather than to simply ID the problem.
Personal growth is a double-edged bitch, pardon my French. As much as she can be subtle and helpful, she’s also vicious and chaotic in her approach. She’s relentlessly going to test you, once you sign up. Bet.
What matters most is what’s inside but imagine if all that’s inside were anxiety, jealousy, stress, ego, embarrassing memories and trauma all dragging space with your vital organs and breakfast. Everyday! Imagine that!
And guess why we don’t get a free pass. Because people have been here before us and they’ve done it too. Of course I’m talking of mindful people not regular people. They did it before I was born and they will do it after I die. So no, I don’t get a free pass. I don’t even want one. What I want however, is that you can find this someday and feel immense peace, knowing that you are on the right path because you’ve been actively seeking it.