What turns you off in a man, personality wise?
Solape, what did you put in your stew??
So, I was with a number of young men and women at a house party some days ago and among other things which were discussed, we talked about turn ons and turn offs.
I have compiled a few of the responses I got, so, take your pick. Wink.
Turn offs for the women dem.
Me I sha like men with clean fingernails and hands like that. I can’t stand a dirty guy.
1. Too Nice: I think I don’t like a guy that’s too nice. Come on, when do you plan to show me that wickedness that your species is popular for? I can’t take you seriously if you are too nice or if you are ‘how was your day?’ing me to death. I swear, I will just categorize you as a simp.
2. Game playing: See, I believe that manipulators come in different forms. From those ones that gaslight you once you call them out, to the ones that CONSTANTLY are doing stuff to see your reaction. It’s like, bro, stop trying to get a reaction out of me. Go and wash your bathroom or something and fuck off. You can’t ruin my zen.
3. Taking hours to text me back: Why? What’s the reason, honestly? Pride? You are busy working? Playing with your boys? Or dicking some other chic downnn? Cos it must be one of these. ‘Oh babe, I put down my phone.’ Okay, why didn’t you text me to tell me that you wanted to disappear? Oga? If you don’t like me, speak up o. If there is one thing I know, it’s that once a man wants you, you will know. Men are not about the life of talking big and not backing it with actions. Never. They want and they chase; and when they want to keep, they are brutal about it. Because tomorrow now they will say, but didn’t you see the signs? Blah blah blah.
4. A man who can’t take no for an answer: ah, this one. I believe you have a mission. I’ve said no to your date invites. I’ve said no to coming over to your house. I’ve said no to getting intimate. Yet you won’t stop. I think you want to hurt me because why are you this persistent?
5. A man with a poor sense of humor: Eww. Every time, you go just strong face. Ehn, maazi? Let’s play now. We are young. Take a joke, crack some jokes with me too. Small thing, you want to beat somebody: waiter o, the guy that fixed your gen o, even the cashier at the bank. Ah. This life is hard but you don’t have to be like a stone now. I remember one guy I was liking sometime last year. I’d make jokes about coming over to his office or just this or that and his response would be “Rest”. REST!!! As how?? He would say rest, he would say keep it moving. Omo I kept it moving o!! Because if you don’t want me around, you don’t like me! It’s simple like abc!
Turn offs for the men dem.
1. Clingy: I know that many people say there’s nothing like a clingy woman; that if you are repulsed by a woman because you feel she’s clingy, you don’t like her at all. I get this. You should want your woman around you often but some babes are just clingy abeg. Texting and calling like I am owing them something or like I have a deadline. No now, allow me to miss you small. Allow me to crave you and seek you out. Then sometimes it’s just not my personality. I don’t want you around all the time!!
2. Wanting me to be exclusive with them but evading personal questions: women ehn, women are somehow. They will tell you that they want you to cut off your other babes and then once you mention that you are uncomfortable with this or that, they will label you insecure or obsessive. Women will demand this mad level of intensity and openness from you and still be selectively truthful with you. It’s a madness, actually.
3. A woman who has no sting: Ah. This one will become a liability o. Why won’t you have a sting? Something about you that will make me always think of you, particularly? You don’t suggest solutions? You don’t make the baddest pot of my favorite soup(or even your own)? You don’t fuck my brains out? You don’t come through for me when I start to lose myself to pressure or finanacial blocks? You can’t even like fight when we enter wahala with like the police or some other guy and his babe who are moving mad. So why should I pick you? No now. Even Ruth and Esther in the Bible had their sting. So please sting me o, lady bee. Hahahahahahaha.
4. I don’t like a woman who is scared to show me that she is catching feelings for me: You see all those hard babes? Abeg, I don’t want. Love me, be loud about it, tell me I’m your spec, call me, chase me, tease me, cook and keep my own, show me you think about me randomly during the day, especially when you are out having fun. My babe will text me when she is about to do shots with her babes so that I know that she’s thinking about me. She will ask me to tell her what I think about this or that even though she’s very independent with her choices. I love it. I love her.
5. Women who are too religious!! Hey God! Abeg abeg abeg. Which one is that you can’t kiss me or give me head because it’s the same mouth you use to pray? Ah. I no wan talk plenty sha but I believe that if you are neat on the outside, vicious on your knees and nasty in the sheets, YOU ARE A FUCKING SPEC. Don’t let any bagger tell you anything different.
Me: omo, you men have a lot to say o
Number 6: come and hear my own o. You ladies need to know this. Me, I don’t like a girl who doesn’t grasp the concept of being comfortable in her skin.
Me: how do you mean? Self-esteem?
Number 6: Well, yes but other things too. I like women who don’t need to run stuff by their mum or friends first before they decide.
Me: hmmmm. Interesting.
Well, there you have it. Which parts do you agree with and which do you disagree with? If your turn offs weren’t even talked about, go on and share them. Let’s learn from one another.
Personally, I believe the best thing we can all do is go for our specs!
Somebody say ‘my spec!!’
Please go for your spec; don’t come and use tasks, takes and expectations to kill somebody’s child.
Dating shouldn’t feel like a chore. Or a court room.
Seek out your spec, date your spec and leave the people who don’t fall into your Venn diagram alone. You want a praying partner, find them. You want someone who will chase you, go for those ones calling you everyday. You want someone who out ranks you in the freaky side of town, then by all means.
Our problem be sey we too dey greedy. We want bits of everything. Some of us don’t even know what we want so we just go about breaking people. Then our double standard is too much. We want her to be liberated but when she dumps us and moves to our guy’s guy, she’s a slut. When we dump him and our babe- who stayed away from him while we were dating out of respect- now decides to shoot her shot, she’s a snake.
Then, communication. You guys. We need to do better on this. We need to be the generation that communicates. Let’s talk about stuff: when it’s seemingly impossible to talk, where can we improve? where should we add fire? where should we pour water? Small thing, you have dumped someone and moved on. Small thing you’ve called someone crazy or clingy and they will now be wondering for how long you’ve been feeling that way. Small thing like this, the person has given you the ick. Chai.
If that person is clingy or appears clingy, maybe they just haven’t felt fully secure with you (whether as a friend or lover) and so they still feel the need to graft, to keep you. Fink about it.
Also, ego will have to die if a relationship must survive. ‘I’m the most petty’ or ‘I’m the older one’ will not cut it. ‘I’m the one that pays for everything so you must do my bidding’ and the likes, Mba.
Heal!! Don’t compare people!! Communicate like a big boy and a sharp babe!! When your partner complains about something, try to work on it. Stop cheating, it’s disrespectful. Reassure who needs reassurance… other wise you will lose a great person and by the time you realize, it would be too late.
You sef if you no get sting, you fit buy.
Please clap FIFTY times and highlight the parts of this entry that you agree with. You can also respond with your thoughts, I’d like to hear from you.
God be with you!
